Relationship jokes
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
Mom!
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
A good man deserves a queen who will pussy slide on his penis casually, frig him with her thighs like a prostitute, make him laugh like a homie, cook like his mama.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.
Husband: let’s do this.
Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.