Relationship jokes
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Reasons
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.