Relationship jokes

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.

Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.

Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.

Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.

Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!

I bet you like men!

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

I got a sister.

That was a big mistake.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

If an orphan takes a selfie, it is a family photo.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

Your mom and dad are never coming back because dad is cumming for another kid.

I'm sorry, but your dad left for milk.

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They don't have anyone to call "daddy."

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...

"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"