Relationship jokes
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling