Relationship jokes
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?
Because she got Avogadro's number!
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
Who's in my ass?
Your sister.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?
Your mom gay.
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
Why can't an orphan be gay? It has no one to call daddy.
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!