Relationship jokes
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.
Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.
What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
Memes
Look away if you can
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"