Relationship jokes
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
The boomerang comes back.
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.