Relationship Jokes

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

Willy Wonka meme

A picture of Willy Wonka looking surprised with the text "Everyone: Why don't you have kids yet? Me: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room!"

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?