Relationship jokes

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

"Prince, do you love the faker, Princess, or me, the real Gwen?"

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.

Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"

And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"

Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."

The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."

Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"

Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."

Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...

THE END

When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."

Did you know there’s a sex move called Amazon?

You wait all day and nobody comes.

Why do some couples go to the gym together?

Because they want their relationship to work out.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?

Because he is the only one.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

His wife changed the WiFi password.

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE