Relationship jokes

My sister is so short she can't walk.

Ur adopted.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Why woman?

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

What does an orphan call a family photo?

A selfie.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

Are there support groups for men?

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.

Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."