Relationship jokes

My parents love me.

When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.

It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.

Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

My name says it all.

Your mum is gay; her name is Rachel.

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack was in shock with a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.