Relationship jokes

Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.

My parents love me.

When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.

It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

My name says it all.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack was in shock with a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?

Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope...