Relationship jokes
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship, and I don't have time for you, ASAP, daughter, daughter, or your mother, or your call, or your choice of choice.
Girl: Dad, where are you?
Dad: I went to go get milk.
Girl: But we have milk.
Dad: I know, I just don't love you.
Why did your parents abandon you?
Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
I love you, Hebrew John.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
How did number 1 kindly make number 2?
I got my was kicked, let's be friends?
If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Why do men have penises? They gotta shut women up somehow.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.