Relationship jokes

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?

A selfie.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

Why do orphans love tennis?

Because it is the only place they can get love.

If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?

He fell for her.

I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

An orphan came out of the closet to their parents as gay. Oh wait...

My brother when he sees a girl.

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.