Relationship jokes

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?

One is actually used.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

I punched my mom for no freaking reason.

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

Your sister is your mother.

Your father is your brother.

You all shag one another.

The Inbred family.

Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!

Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!

A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.