Relationship jokes

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?

A selfie.

Why do orphans love tennis?

Because it is the only place they can get love.

Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.

An orphan came out of the closet to their parents as gay. Oh wait...

My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?

Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.

Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)

Me: I know, you always are...

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"