Relationship jokes
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: ☠️
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.