You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, NO MORE!
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
Want to do a titcock dance with me?
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.
Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
Me: You have pretty eyes.
Her: Thank you.
Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴
Trump pumped and dumped his wife at the border.
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.
Dad: What did your older brother say before he lost his virginity?
Son: Dad, please don't.
Dad: Exactly.
