Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
What do you call gay parents. poly,
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
Little Jonny fucked his mum.
Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.
It turns into ligma.
Brother: What's ligma?
Big Brother: Ligma dick!
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
My ex.
Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
