Relationship jokes
They say they'll stay, but I left first.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.
I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!
Me be like: ;-;
I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.