Relationship jokes
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Can someone be my daddy?
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?
Because they never came home.
I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Why did the orphan become gay? Because he wanted to call someone "daddy."
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.
Why is an orphan bad at tennis?
'Cause he couldn't get any love.
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
Roses are red, Violet are blue, Ur dad bought you.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.