Relationship jokes

My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

I fucked your mum last night, that she was salty.

What's the difference between my mum and my dad?

My mum stayed.

Can you be my daddy? 🍌😘😉

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.

Why did LazarBeam kiss a man?

Because he couldn't kiss Fresh; he was already gay.

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.

Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)

Mom!

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.