Relationship jokes

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

I just wanted to write something random.

And now my wife is dead.

It's been a while since I've talked to either Prince or tj. Do any of you boys wanna chat? Plapls?

Mom!

The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.

All I have to do is go to the Africa section.

A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asked what that was for.

"It is for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?

Wife: You have good eyesight.

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.