Relationship jokes
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?