New Relationship Jokes - Page 91

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

I got jealous when my phone dies.

I got a sister.

That was a big mistake.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.

What would a gay man do for free that a heterosexual woman that is a whore won't do for $50.00 for a heterosexual man?

Suck his balls.

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

How does an orphan call his parents?

"..."

Ur dad is gay!

Omg! I didn't mean that. Please don't tell ur mom.

I'm so so so sry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ur dad

Omg, I'm sooooo sry!!!!!

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

Babe, I'm breaking up with you.

Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."