Relationship jokes

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"

What company do orphans hate the most?

S. C. Johnson, a family company.

What do you call a selfie taken by an orphan?

A family portrait.

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

How do emos propose?

"Would you like to join my family tree?"

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?

I love my mom.

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅

Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"

Who did the bee 🐝 marry?

Her honey!

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

Fuck you and your shitty family!

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.