Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
I got jealous when my phone dies.
I got a sister.
That was a big mistake.
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
What would a gay man do for free that a heterosexual woman that is a whore won't do for $50.00 for a heterosexual man?
Suck his balls.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.
When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.
Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
How does an orphan call his parents?
"..."
Ur dad is gay!
Omg! I didn't mean that. Please don't tell ur mom.
I'm so so so sry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ur dad
Omg, I'm sooooo sry!!!!!
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
