Relationship jokes
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.
I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.