Relationship jokes
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?
A face full of sperm.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
I miss my wife, Tails.
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
Orphans can be gay, no problem, because they have no one to disown them.
"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"