Relationship jokes
Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Technoblade never got a wife.
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?
A selfie.
What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?
A man will actually look for the golf ball.
I like your mom naked.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
What do you call useless skin on a penis?
A man.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Bully: Ha, guess what?
Nerd: What?
Bully: You are adopted.
Nerd: At least I was wanted!
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.