Relationship

Relationship jokes

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A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3