Relationship jokes

Who wants to be my boyfriend, please?

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

Technoblade never got a wife.

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂

I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿‍♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭

What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?

A selfie.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will actually look for the golf ball.

I like your mom naked.

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

What do you call useless skin on a penis?

A man.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

Bully: Ha, guess what?

Nerd: What?

Bully: You are adopted.

Nerd: At least I was wanted!

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: You slap her.

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"