Red jokes
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
Roses are red, you have a nice lip, it would look better if it was on my tit.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
When I was younger, I went to an Indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly." So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
Roses are red,
foxes are red,
I like your butt, let me touch it forever.
Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!
Yo mama is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl and a plate and ketchup to the red zone.
In 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He sat on a rock, tickled his cock, until it turned red, white, and blue!
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
Yo mamma so dumb that she jumped off a building after drinking Red Bull.
How much curry can an Indian eat? Until his red dot explodes.
Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.