Red jokes
Roses are red, That much is true, But violets are purple, Not F***ing blue!
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."