Red Jokes

Life

Roses are red,my name is Dan,I have a gun,GET IN THE VAN!

Dadless
in Dad

Roses are red My soul is black I am never getting My dad back

6
p....
in Blue

Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you.

Anonymous
in Blonde

a blond, a red head, and brunette, were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away, so in turn they try to swim to the island, the brunette swims 10 km then drowns, the red head swims 30 km then drowns, the blond swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

9
Autobot Blaster

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!

7
miss killer

what turns red, blue then white? the last person that I’d strangle

1
Madison R.
in Blonde

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop…”

0
Anonymous

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)

  1. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick

  2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

  3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

  1. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

  2. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

  3. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

  4. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Anonymous

Roses are red, That much is true, But violets are purple Not F—ing blue!

5
Anonymous

roses are red violets are blue if you ever feel alone i’m always watching you

Anonymous

The colours red, white and blue are the colours of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.

5
ashyondamemekinglaquiva

what’s green then red all over and goes 100mph?

a frog in a blender

Huggi

Roses are red, I dont know why, Living is hard, I want to die.

3
Anonymous
in Sexism

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, “hey what’s that?” Lil Timmy looks down and says, “oh that, that’s only my little red race car.” They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, “hey what’s that?” Lil Susie looks down and says, “oh that, that’s only my little red race car garage.” They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, “hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage.”

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, “what’s wrong?” Lil Susie says, “well Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn’t fit so we cut them off.”

Anonymous
in Fat

Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 big macs

2
J0K35
in Cow

Teacher: Describe a penguin

Student: Black, White, Beak

Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan

Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family

Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow

Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes

Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?

Student: It describes you tho.

Anonymous

Roses are red Violets are blue, I’d get in the van if I where you…

6
Vuck u

I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom… Until they are flashing behind you!

Anonymous
in Stupid jokes

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

0

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.