Reaction jokes

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.

Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

My friend: What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"

What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?

"Holy shit, I burnt one."

If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.