Want to hear something thatβll make you smile? Your face muscles.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! ππ¨
When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know Iβm pro abortion.
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
