Reaction jokes

What's the difference between onions and babies?

I cry when I cut onions.

Don't scare me! I poop easily!

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?

That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!

If water makes you laugh, then jokes make you pee.

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"

Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

Person 2: OMg!

I would tell you a chemistry pun, but I won't get a reaction.