Reaction jokes

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

Removing the polish with chemicals: 😀

Removing the Polish with chemicals: 😳

This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.

Mohamed Atta would probably be pretty mad at these posts.

Maybe your butt good? Maybe bad... I'M GOING TO LAUGH!

I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!

I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

Boo.

"Boo who?"

It's just a joke, no need to cry!

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.

Your face makes onions cry.

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

"Balls" got me like: 😂