Puns
When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.
What’s Brock from Pokemon's favorite food?
Brockoli.
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?
Continental Drift.
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.