Puns

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?

"I have runny volcanoes."

What do you call a duck with no head?

Your mom gay.

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

Teacher: "Stand up, class!"

She is sitting down.

Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!

So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"

Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"

What do you call a pen with no head?

DeCAPitated.

Stand in the corner.

"Are you related to Yoda?"

"Because yo-delicious!"

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!