Puns
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
Why was Balls afraid of Magic?
Because Magic eight Balls.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
Wanna hear a joke?
Your outfit. Har har!
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
Will Will Smith smith?
Yes, Will Smith will smith.
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.