Puns
Why can't Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
Ya nan!
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!
Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
No, you!
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
Your
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.