Puns

My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.

I would tell you a joke about pizza,

but it's too cheesy.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

What is a "dad?"

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.

Why do tables never need wheelchairs?

Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.

Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.

Then it hit me.

The wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!