Puns

I would tell you a joke about pizza,

but it's too cheesy.

Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

What is a "dad?"

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.

There's no one.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

What's a bull's favorite body part?

An eye-BULL!

A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.

What does Mickey's wife drive?

A Minnie-Van!

Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!