Puns

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.

Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"

I would tell you a joke about pizza,

but it's too cheesy.

Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

What is a "dad?"

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.

There's no one.

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.