Puns

Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!

I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

Eggs

You crack me up!

Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?

Where do pencils go on holiday?

Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"

My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.

I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...

A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

Ur dad lesbian.

Ur sister a mister.

Ur family tree LGBT.

Ur family reunion a homosexual communion.

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?

In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂

What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?

Continental Drift.