Puns
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What is Bill Gates’ favorite equation?
1 + 1 =
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
Need an arch? I Noah guy.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
We have been cursed by curse-ive.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
Suck my ass, guys!
Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
Hey Jonny, you can buy a...
Pun o' chips at the store!
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.