Puns
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
My name is Gunter.
I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)