Puns
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?
A Butt-asaurus.
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
My name is Gunter.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
Make like a drum and beat it!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!