Puns
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What do you call a funny rapper?
A PUN-ISHER!
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
What is Forrest Gump's password?
1forest1
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
Oh no!
Scree.
My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!
Why are these jokes bad?
They're literally the worst jokes ever.