Puns

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

Bob: Kanye West.

Dad: No, but I can East.

Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?

Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.

Why don't we wrestle bears?

The pain is un-bearable.

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.

He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."

Knock, knock. Who's there? Wakanda? Wakanda who? WAKANDA ENDING IS THIS?

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Water.

Water who?

Water you waiting for, just let me in!

I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

What do you call a funny rapper?

A PUN-ISHER!

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

What is Forrest Gump's password?

1forest1

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.