Puns
Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha!
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
Fun fact: Toasters were originally called tanning breads!
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
I told a cookie a joke the other day.
It just crumbled.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.