Puns

Two's company, cheese a crowd!

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn!

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.

I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.

Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!

Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?

A. A dino-snore.

What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?

Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"

You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!

What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.

How do poets say hello?

Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?

A pork chop.

I told a cookie a joke the other day.

It just crumbled.

Fun fact: Toasters were originally called tanning breads!

What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?

A waist of time.