Puns

I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.

If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."

You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.

I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!

What do you call a Native American with a boner?

A redwood.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Olive.

Olive who?

I love you!

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.

Man: I wish for more wishes.

Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.

Man: I wish I could.

Genie: ......

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

What did the whale say?

Nothing!

It just wailed.

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"

How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.

How do bees get to school?

They take the buzz.

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

I was to go to space camp, but then I realized I had no space to learn.

My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.