Puns

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.

Man: I wish for more wishes.

Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.

Man: I wish I could.

Genie: ......

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

What did the whale say?

Nothing!

It just wailed.

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"

How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.

How do bees get to school?

They take the buzz.

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

I was to go to space camp, but then I realized I had no space to learn.

My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.

What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.

What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?

Ten-putt!

A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.

I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

My name is Gunter.