Puns

What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.

What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?

Ten-putt!

A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.

I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

My name is Gunter.

Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?

Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

P = Person (not original "pun")

P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!

(Communications with this person are now blocked)

What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.

What’s the most artistic fruit?

Vincent mango.

A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

I forgot what lightning was. Then it struck me.

Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.

I used to hate facial hair,

but then it grew on me.

I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!

A lumberjack goes to a person's house.

Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.