I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
Puns
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
I forgot what lightning was. Then it struck me.
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
See, I was always told puns are funny.
But I can see now they aren't punny.
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What do you call a broken chicken?
A broken chicken.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Last night I slipped on a banana.
My friend said it was a-peeling!
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
