What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS? If you stop giving money to a church you won’t go to prison

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions …you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared.  The man did as was told and became generous and kind …as he emerged from the betting office with all his money… he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person…each and everytime. He ,however couldn’t seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what .  When he died the Angel came back for him … “But I’m undeserving I can’t come with you” he said … “Yes you can” replied the Angel , “you gave all your stake ( steak) away”

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, “mummy what`s that building over there”? The mother looked at the prison, smiled and said "that’s where the cotton pickers live.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will You be my girlfriend? Girl: No, because you have a gun and a sword. Man: But I am already in love with you. And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy. The girl is glad that the has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again. Man: Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl. And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender. Man: And here is some candy. And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too. One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him." Girl: I hate you, ugly man! Man: Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl? The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don’t serve-" And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun, and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can’t believe what he just saw. So he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender. 999 Service Guy: 999, what’s your emergency? Old man: I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword I his bag. 999 Service Guy: Okay, no worries. 1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face. Guy sitting at a table in the bar: That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him. And the police show up. First Policeman: Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag? The girl points to the man and says "This man." Second Policeman: Let’s arrest him. Man: No, wait! I can explain. Third Policeman: Get in the back of the car. When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years." One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison. The police see him and run after him. Third Policeman: Come back here! The man doesn’t listen, and he keeps running. So the police shoot him and he dies. And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.

What’s the only type of Batteries that they use in prisons? Durracell

What is a prisoner’s favorite punctuation?

A period.

Why?

Because it marks the end of a sentence.

Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He’s a small medium at large.

Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals, they are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit, they go in and the first man comes out with a peach, he is instructed to shove it in his ass and if he laughs he will be killed, he tries and dies, the second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same, when the two meet at the pearly gates the first man says, i had a peach, there fuzzy, you had a grape whats your excuse? "Well i was doing fine until I say jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple.

What do you call a Dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?A Small Medium at Large

How do you escape a French prison?

Yell angrily in German.

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said; “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

What’s the differencd between prison and concentration camps? At least you don’t die when you shower.

I just got a job at the prison library. It has its prose and cons.

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named brandon

Why did the guitarist go to prison? Cause he fingered A minor

I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and i thought, huh, that’s a little con-descending

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there’s a small medium at large!

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

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