Police Jokes

I was arrest for eating to much crack on accident. How? My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face

A Woman exclaims that she was robbed she was reading in the dark candles were next to her on she says the thief opens her cabin of Jewelry and leaves and enters from the window.He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her.She turns the lights on and sees what happened.The candle wax was going down straight.A police man closes the window and cabin then tells her shes lying just for the cash reward.Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in the candle wax would be dripping to the side not straight!

What did the rape victim give to her rapist?

Head

[ when a cop meets a pothead on April 20th ]

Officer : Hi, how high are you?

Pothead : No officer, it's how are you

Officer : oh im sorry ive been high since last night

Pothead : cool, i'd like to give you sum weed, happy 420 sir

Officer : omg thx man appreciate that

There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma'm and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?

The school shotter when the cops show up be like:

Aint nothing gunna break my stride, aint nothing gunna hold me down. Oh oh. Ive got to keep on moving.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

There were three men in a car, the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes the to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer". The homeless man says"I'm not really homeless" and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, i'm a cop''

Friends are very important . I have lots of friends in very high places I hope the police can talk them down

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it

What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer? Magic-cop!

The police told everyone to put there hands up and the police were having fun waving there hands around.

Why dosnt the police arrest orphans? Because they aren't wanted

The Police officer in London , Who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman , drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car , murder her and do whatever to her , has appealed against his Whole Life tarriff.

He should be relieved it was only that ! , could of been worse ... could of married her !

A man enters the bank and says, 'hi I'm robin, you'? The man was arrested instantly.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack

Guy: Oh, what is it?

J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin

Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of the is a police officer.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dads friend and I would take him home, he just curled up into a ball and started crying, kidnapping must be easy.