Police jokes
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.
Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"
Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."
Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"
Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."
Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"
Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
The police: Pull over!
The kid: Do you know who my dad is?
The police: What, your mom did not tell you?
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.