Police jokes

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?

Push?! He fell...

Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?

So the police can see that he’s white.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

What’s the difference between white people and Black people?

One runs from the police, one runs for the police.

What do you call a cab for black men?

A cop car.

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

Me: Brings in missing child.

Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

Me: Oh, cool.

NEXT DAY

Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?