Plan jokes

Why did Steven Hawking die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.

If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

When is a rapist safe around children?

When his plans are oven ready.

How do you plan a party in outer space?

You planet.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

She wanted to be for sure for sure!

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't, they just eat out.

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?

Me neither. It all came crashing down.