Plan

Plan jokes

Sun

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

Death

Why did Steven Hawking die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.

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  • Misunderstanding

    A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.

    The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.

    That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

    Party

    What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

    A high school pill party.

    Run

    I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

    Log

    "{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"

    Incest

    Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

    Plan B

    Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

    She wanted to be for sure for sure!

    Fortune

    My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

    Teacher

    A note for My arts/health teacher:

    oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

    Cannibal

    What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!

    Sausage

    Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

    Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

    "Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

    "Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

    When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

    The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

    After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

    "How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

    Professor

    An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.

    Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.

    When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, β€œGood morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”

    With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

    β€œWait, ladies,” called the professor, β€œThe boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

    Hillary

    If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.

    Ornament

    To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

    Lawsuit

    Guess what my plans are for the weekend? Suing the NYCDOE for blocking (probably) WEBTOONS.com.

    Orphan

    Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

    Kid: I don't know why.

    Man: Because they have a family plan.

    Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.