Place jokes

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Why do orphans cry at insurance places?

They got offered the family plan.

What is the only place fat people live?

Obi-city.

My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

What goes up and down but stays in the same place?

Stairs.

What is the difference between hungry and horny?

The cucumber goes to different places.

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:

"Looks like I am going back to the future!"

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Where do bunnies go when they're sick?

The hoppital.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?

Home.

Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.

This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?

No Panera Bread.

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

What's an Asian's favorite food place?

Answer: Petco

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.