What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"
Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Were you born on a highway? Because most accidents happen on the highway.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
