Personal jokes

What do you call a pretty person who loves Rolls? A roll model.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

Person: My left ear is ringing.

Friend: Then answer it!

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.

What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.

So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.

He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"

The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."

The person says: "What's a dilo?"

What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?

Ground beef.

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."

Don't make a person look a fool when you are the real one!

I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?

Person B: Let me check.

Person B: It's greenglish!

Person 1: A life.

Person 2: I don't get it.

Person 1: Exactly.

1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?

2nd person: What?

1st person: A pianist.

Why did the short person become a chef?

Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!

Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?

Because they heard the drinks were on the house!

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.