Personal jokes

What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?

Nose-less.

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

If a skinny person wants to gain weight, does that make them a trans fat?

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

What do you call someone who subscribes to Toast4128 on YouTube?

A very good person.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"

A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.

"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"

The man with glasses frowns.

"Where did all the others go, then?"

What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.

I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you told them twice.

Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.