Personal jokes

What do you call a person with nobody and no nose?

I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.

If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.

I'm not saying you're annoying.

But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.

I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.

Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"