Personal jokes

What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"

Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?

Because they keepped.

Kid singing “abcd.”

Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”

What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.

What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

Q: What do you call a person with Down's syndrome who smokes weed?

A: Baked potato.

How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three, because it’s the normal person's height.

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.