Personal jokes

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?

Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.

What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"

Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?

Because they keepped.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?

When it fails to turn up.

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.

A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.

I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.

Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

Kid singing “abcd.”

Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.