See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
Drinks Are On Me
Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen up, buttercup. The joke is that if vampires were real, this dummy would be the first one to offer free drinks. Get it? Because vampires drink blood? Since you clearly need help wiping your own butt, I'll spell it out for ya: free drinks of BLOOD. Now go back to your coloring book.