Personal jokes
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
Why did the emo person cross the road?
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE Haha.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
What do you call a white person from Africa?
Albino.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.
A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."