Personal jokes

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

Why did the emo person cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE Haha.

What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."

What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.

What do cannibals call a person that is running?

Fast food.

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.

Me: Me.

Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?

A cutting board.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!