Personal jokes

What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?

A cutting board.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

Why can’t a gay person walk a trail? Because a gay person can’t walk on a straight line.

"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."

"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?

'Cause they'll eat the bat!

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?

What war did the black community win?

The Obama era. Only to lose to a smarter white person.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?

You really thought n****r, didn't you?

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

Who is the blindest person in the world?

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.