Personal jokes

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."

"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"

Why can’t a gay person walk a trail? Because a gay person can’t walk on a straight line.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?

'Cause they'll eat the bat!

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?

Because a black person was approaching.

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?

The pose!

Another joke, I know they suck.

What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

What do you call a gay person on fire?

LGBBQ

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."