Personal jokes
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
I hate my life.
So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"
What do you say to a depressed person?
"I like ya cut, G."
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?
A cutting board.
What do Nemo and Emily's dad have in common? They both can't be found.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"
What is a disabled person's least favorite song?
"I'm Still Standing."