Payment Jokes

Well at least my adoption fee cost more than you

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers? Me: No, but i`ll arm wrestle you for the bill.

Dating 101

Heres what you do:

1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.

How did the guys with down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her)

How do u get a fat kid to lose weight ? . U pay the ice cream man to keep driving

I took my son to a drivers school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident" (I gotta go pay him out of jail)

Bubba couldn't make rent so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead. I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

how do birds pay? with their bills.

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?" "Six pounds." "And shaving?" "Three pounds." "Good, then shave my head."

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun, it comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now pay later.

Why are orphan's banned from the shop?

No adult to pay for them.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee, The man said coffee was only a quarter, I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask it.

Wife is texting husband- Honey if I give you 300 dollars will you stop being blind? husband-seilghsielguG Wife- seriously David Husband-fuweyadb

This man came up to me and asked if i could sell my house to him and i said sure then five days later he said that the loan should came in the mailbox then i checked the mail box and the only thing i saw was nothing so i told the guy DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $30." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman slightly annoyed gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.