Payment jokes
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
What does a slave owner use to buy slaves? A Master Card.
Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.
AKA, you're up for adoption.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.
Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.