A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door.He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. -- I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The orphanage was open in apps but I didn’t see the home button.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliac have in common? They both like cracking open a cold one
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I once told siri, "Hey Siri, why am i still single?" she opened the front camera.
People ALWAYS told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws open up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow moving business.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ?
you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth..
sorry
Why are Indians so good at football? Each time they get a corner they open a shop.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet just open the door
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer...?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
